Makeup can lead you to do extravagant things, like splurging a quarter of your paycheck on eyeshadow or throwing a massive tantrum and canceling plans because your eyeliner smudged.
Of course, I’m talking about myself. I did those things.
And if you’re guilty of one or more of the following acts, you, too, might be a makeup addict.
When you don’t have a shag rug but you can still exploit your cat’s obesity.
Sorry, PETA who?
It’s not as if you’ve been splurging on that pricey cat food for Whiskers without reason.
Makeup > family, because of priorities.
It would shatter your family’s hearts if they discovered you traded Gam-Gam for a limited edition Tom Ford bronzer brush.
But, alas, they haven’t yet felt the soft touch of its natural bristle fibers.
Every ridiculous eyebrow trend has been imposed on society.
These girls deserve to have their eyebrows taken away by social services.
Then, perhaps, they’ll find a loving home where they’re treated with respect.
The number of white t-shirts you ruined with your face is, to be completely honest, immeasurable.
You’d never admit it, of course. Not even under oath.
And those white foundation-stained shirts at Forever 21? Certainly not your doing either.
You have zero consideration for other people’s time when you’re in Sephora.
I’m sorry, do these people have any idea how challenging it is to find the perfect foundation shade?
And no, you can’t just buy the same foundation as last time.
“Just get the same one as last time.” Impossible. That was your summer shade. You need to find your winter shade.
Everyone who made the #KylieJennerLipChallenge a thing.
The Kylie Jenner Lip Challenge, if we hadn’t entirely lost faith in our youth, made sure of that.
But, to be fair, the crime was also the punishment.
You’re either late or people are growing old waiting on you.
Your man thinks you’re running late because you’re “baking” something for him.
You purposely left out the part about that something being your face.
You haven’t washed your makeup brushes in 84 years.
Nah, a good rub on that eyeshadow/foundation/sparkle-stained washcloth will do the trick.
Or on the nearest towel. Or your forearm.
Literally, anything besides actually washing them will do.
Oh, and the gunk on your eyelash curler goes as far back as middle school.
If you took a lab sample of that sludge, you’d probably find traces of your very first Maybelline Great Lash mascara.
Finally, the condition of your Beauty Blender is a downright disgrace.
Excuse me, but I invested $30 in a sponge, and I intend to utilize it thoroughly until it essentially crumbles between my fingers.
You spilled glitter three years ago, and everything you own is still sparkling.
It’s akin to a sparkling curse, and everyone or everything you encounter falls prey to your glittery contagion.
Even your pets can’t escape your clumsiness.
Absolutely, blame Meowington for rolling in the glitter you spilled on the floor (and conveniently forgot to clean up) last week.
You’re always trying to give people makeovers.
And when they politely decline, you set your sights on those who can’t speak for themselves. Yeesh, how many cats are mistreated by makeup addicts? This is becoming an epidemic.
Nobody — and I mean nobody — wants to be around you when this happens.
There’s either going to be crying, screaming, or both. It’s best that others just give you your space during this difficult time.
You’ve slept in your makeup despite the fact that it’s str8 nasty.
You’re aware that sleeping in your makeup is terrible for your skin. Still, in the AM, you wipe the crusty mascara from under your eyes and go about your day.
You leave a trail of lipstick stains everywhere you go.
You think of it as marking your territory. And the restaurant dishwasher thinks Ronald McDonald may be dining in the front.
You get makeup stuck under your nails all the time.
It’s pretty gross, but it won’t come out no matter how many times you wash your hands. Luckily, your nails are painted.
When your fake eyelash addiction reaches a new low.
We’ve hit some low points throughout this list, but I feel like we’ve now discovered a whole new sub-basement. Needless to say, I feel ill.
Makeup powder + water = brick mortar.
And when these two combine, they leave a tan-colored stain in the sink that stands up to everything but the most industrial-grade bathroom cleaner.
Most of your makeup products are covered in, well, themselves.
And then you have the audacity to wonder why your makeup bag is so dirty inside.
If you stuck your hand in there, it’d probably come out bronzed and sparkly.
“Take my makeup off before I work out? But it’s haaaard.”
You can’t be wasting valuable energy trying to get off Kat Von D’s tattoo foundation.
That’ll take at least three minutes, wherein which you’ll lose all motivation.
You’ve walked around with your fair share of makeup stains.
Dish soap is powerless against the 12-hour staying power of Tarte’s Amazonian Clay Foundation.
You know this. You accept this.
And you look like you didn’t do laundry.
You use (and abuse) your makeup brushes until they fall apart.
You don’t actually own a fan brush, that’s just a really old powder brush which has blended more makeup than it was ever — and wasn’t at all — intended for.
Makeup is your answer for everything.
If you don’t have a pen, grab a lipstick. Trouble sleeping? A concealer might do the trick. Financial stress? Treating yourself to some new makeup can be a temporary mood booster. Whether you call it a #LifeHack or a way to avoid conflicts, these makeup solutions have their own unique charm.
You’re lowkey judging everyone else’s makeup.
You’ve seen plenty of YouTube tutorials, so you know your contouring technique isn’t exactly by the book. Admittedly, contouring yourself can be a bit challenging at times. But hey, that can be our little secret.
You have little to no shame when it comes to expensive makeup.
There are very few scenarios where I would intentionally leave a $40 lipstick. A sinking ship or a burning building are probably the only exceptions.
Which means that you live for expensive product samples, despite how desperate it seems.
You’d follow Pennywise into the sewer if he promised a travel-sized Becca highlighter. Correction: You live and die for samples.
These poor animals!
It’s akin to toddlers dabbling in makeup, just curious to explore what it’s all about.
Everyone wants to get that Greek goddess glow!
Even if dogs can’t perceive colors, they surely recognize a good glow when they see it.
Were you wondering where your lipstick was?
Opened, accumulating crumbs, dust, and dirt at the bottom of your purse!
Who hurt you, highlighter?
Talk about a boulevard of broken dreams!
Wow, did that taste good?
Cleaning up after this adorable pooch probably wasn’t a pleasant sight.
Do you ever just casually rip out 50 eyelashes with an eyelash curler?
“This Redditor revealed, ‘I was curling my lashes when my dog suddenly went crazy barking at my neighbor and startled me to the core.'”
And you derive pleasure from peeling off said nail polish.
“Be it on the bus, at work, or in the grocery store, the disgusted stares are worth the satisfaction gained from picking off an entire nail in one go.”
