I have genuinely made an effort to envision a future devoid of children, I assure you. However, the calculations simply don’t align. Currently, my residence is filled with numerous excessively large chalkboards, folks.
Given that we’re inevitably dealing with these small beings, we might as well appreciate their amusing behaviors. Children have the potential to be amusing and delightful, or they can exhibit dreadful qualities with no redeeming features whatsoever. The majority fall somewhere in between — but the ones in question do not belong to that category.
This little girl has absolutely zero chill at the idea of a new baby.
Developing an early aversion to children is crucial. It effectively readies you for adulthood. Keep up the mindset, girl!
But to be fair, we were all children once upon a time.
I mean, there’s no justification for the insects I consumed with my nephew last summer, especially considering it was after we watched Aladdin. I could really use some assistance.
This is the most uncomfortable-looking dolphin I’ve ever seen in my life.
I’m torn between whether this child has witnessed an excessive amount of people French kissing or consumed an unhealthy quantity of canned tuna. Regardless, it’s just not appropriate.
When it comes down to it, I would always prefer to hang out with an animal over a child.
Just to clarify, this encompasses young animals as well, especially if they share a dislike for children.
Hey, let’s not discount the majesty of the noble arctic wordbank.
However, young one, you did notice that SEAL was still absent, didn’t you? No worries, I understand, seals can be easily confused with walruses.
It’s okay, kid. Some of us have trouble telling apart animals even when we’re all grown up…
…and certain adults struggle, even as they sample the taste of the animal.
Children really are the gift that keeps on giving.
And providing. And providing…
Have you ever participated in one of those burger challenges where you must consume a 10-pound burger within an hour, and by the end, your ability to think is completely compromised? That.
I love how this kid has decided that this is now her personal photoshoot.
“I believe I’ll experiment with this family next… Actually, it’s not quite fitting with this ensemble. Bring in the next group!”
Now here’s a kid with a grounded, sensible approach to fun.
I can envision her engaging with My First Accountancy Exam now. By the age of 10, she’ll likely be notarizing all her friends’ notes to their crushes.
This dad is absolutely savage.
You’re aware he’s currently in the garage assembling a flux capacitor from old Nintendo 64 parts and a car battery. Best of luck, remorseful father.
I love it when kids tell jokes. They’re always weird as hell.
However, when I attempt to lighten the mood and share some jokes with them, it’s all about “no swearing” and “you’re not invited to your nephew’s upcoming birthday party.”
It’s not my fault those kids didn’t appreciate a finely crafted knock-knock joke.
Or perhaps it was because I inadvertently spoiled Breaking Bad for the parents. Either way, let it go; the show has been out for ages.
Take all the time you need to absorb this truly awesome list of names.
Miss Julie has officially earned the title of the best preschool teacher ever. I’m confident that her son, Racecar Grandma Smith III, will be in excellent hands.
Okay, even I can admit this is adorable.
Although, it does make a lot of sense. That owl appears ready to confront anyone who dares to look at this kid the wrong way. When was the last time a blanket ever gave you a threatening glare?
Another kid who’s totally on point.
I’ll just go ahead and say it: Carrying a bag full of Cheetos everywhere you go is just a fundamental aspect of responsible adulthood. Don’t appreciate the truth?
I’d like to clarify for a moment that this policy is definitely not restricted to Cheetos.
Listen, if I have an empty bag and someone leaves food unattended, I’ve essentially created a bag full of pilfered food. It’s science.
Although that open-faced Lego and plastic shark sandwich looks delightful, I’m sure it’d just go straight to my love handles.
I mean that because it could puncture my stomach and become lodged in my body cavity.
Seems like an easier way to “control the mess” would be making sure none of those kids have an obvious inner ear problem..
Furthermore, how does this product prevent the kids from spilling again? It really seems like nothing more than a cup.
Although, if he can get himself out of a locked dog cage, he might be the perfect candidate after all.
Anyone that slippery is bound for great achievements at Harvard Law.
And in case you thought it was just the kids locking themselves in dog cages, here’s a quick look at the education system:
In this case, “system” might be the term they’re employing to describe “controlled chaos.”
Ah yes, another proud graduate of the Tony Soprano After-School Art Club.
This occurred immediately after he insisted that the teacher should cough up an extra 50 bucks if she wanted him to stay after class.
Obviously, this is a tremendously stupid maneuver. That said, there is a serious element of genius here.
If Radio Shack were still around, this kid would probably be soaring around in an Iron Man suit by now.
I don’t get it: if Samuel L. Jackson is still alive, how can he already be reincarnated into the intense stare of this baby?
Either way, you’d better provide this child with some milk before he decides to crush your head with telekinesis or something.
There’s only one person I can think of who could best that kid in a staring contest. And it’s not who you think.
Witness these grown men tremble in their boots under her gaze of pure disdain.
